


Nine or None, Fighting

by JiminWreckedSugaBias



Series: Maknae Line Hurt/Comfort Fics [31]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Felix and Jeongin need hugs, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, Protective Hyungs, Yang Jeongin | I.N-centric, honestly please someone help me with tagging im terrible at it, protective leader chan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 14:19:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18874921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JiminWreckedSugaBias/pseuds/JiminWreckedSugaBias
Summary: Felix shrunk in on himself as he felt more eyes on him than before, and looked away from Jeongin. He glanced at Chan for a moment and saw a look on the leader’s face that said he was deep in thought.He couldn’t handle the fact that he had been caught, but he more so couldn’t handle the fact that his maknae had neglected his own health in hopes that Felix would be the one to get help first.





	Nine or None, Fighting

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my lovely readers!!!!
> 
> I'm super sorry it took me so long to get another one done, but here it is!
> 
> This one was written per request by an anon who's name is Lisa! 
> 
> Lisa, I hope you're doing okay and I hope this is what you were hoping for! Please remember to love yourself and keep fighting!

Felix was not having a good day. 

 

To be fair, the day had gone great. Their dance practice was good (Minho and Chan didn't see the need to stay extra, yay), their vocal coach had nothing but good things to say during their vocal practice, and no one was too exhausted when they started heading back to the dorm. 

 

So yes, it was a good day overall. 

 

However, Felix's brain was telling him otherwise. 

 

_ You could have done better.  _

 

He knew where his thoughts could eventually lead, and he knew he should tell Chan. 

 

But when he was about to try to pull the leader into a different, more private room in the house, said leader's phone rang and everything was put on hold. 

 

For two weeks. 

 

In which time the thoughts in his head turned more violent, more worrying. 

 

_ You called that dancing? A dying starfish could have done better.  _

 

_ Are you serious with that voice crack? _

 

_ You should have stayed eliminated.  _

 

_ You're weighing the team down.  _

 

_ Lose some weight, you fat fuck.  _

 

He hated the voices, and all of that was within the first week.

 

And he listened. 

 

Around the end of the first week, he skipped dinner by pretending to be asleep after a particularly hard dance practice. He was already mentally exhausted in addition to physically, so it wasn't too hard to pretend, he almost didn't have to. 

 

He was a bit surprised that no one came to wake him up and make him eat, but it only confirmed the thought that he only weighed them down. 

 

Or so he thought. 

 

This continued for the remainder of another week, and for that week he barely ate anything, using excuses of not feeling well, feeling homesick, or being too exhausted. 

 

However, he should have known it wouldn't last. 

 

Somehow, he completely forgot about the weekly meetings they set up despite having just had one last week. 

 

So now they were sitting in the living room in a circle, all facing each other, Chan in the “center.” 

 

“So, I know there's already a few things that might be addressed, and we just need to take turns speaking and respect each other like we always do. No talking over each other, and no interrupting.” 

 

It was something similar to the usual things Chan said before each meeting. 

 

Everyone was silent for a while, looking at each other before Minho slowly raised his hand. 

 

“Yes, Minho?” 

 

Felix felt his blood go cold when he saw the dancer lock eyes with him for two seconds before he turned back to the rest of the group and spoke. 

 

“Felix hasn't been eating.” Felix closed his eyes in shame as he felt Changbin, who was cuddled next to him, nod his head. 

 

“Lix, do you want to say something?” Chan asked. Felix shook his head slowly. “Okay, who else noticed something about Felix?”

 

“He usually uses the same three excuses.” Jeongin said, and Felix thought his voice sounded a hit hesitant. 

 

Changbin sat up a bit straighter and tightened his arm around Felix just a bit. “He either says he's too tired, he's homesick, or he doesn't feel good.” 

 

Felix hated how transparent he'd been. 

 

“When he does eat, he avoids bread and meat.” 

 

He hated how observant Seungmin had been.

 

But he could never hate Seungmin himself. Never.

 

He only hated he got caught. 

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Chan turn to face him. Normally he would love being sandwiched between Chan and Changbin, but right now he just wanted to disappear into the couch. 

 

“Felix, have the voices gotten too loud again?” The leader asked gently, but Felix didn't have the strength to answer verbally. 

 

He nodded his head. 

 

“Does anyone have any solutions they can think of?” Woojin asked, speaking for the first time this meeting. 

 

“We can have a number system like we do for Sungie and Innie?” Hyunjin suggested. Felix looked up and saw Jeongin shift in his seat, as if uncomfortable.

 

“Maybe have someone make sure he's with them during meals?” Seungmin said, and Felix now wanted to die. 

 

He knew that this is what he needed, what was good for him, but he didn't want to be  _ babysat _ . 

 

“I can do that, it's no problem.” Changbin said, and Felix was caught between being grateful and feeling like a burden. 

 

Changbin and Felix basically already shared a bed most nights just because they're cuddly with each other like that, and Felix knew Changbin didn't mind, but he still felt like a burden for the older volunteering to make sure he's around him even  _ more.  _

 

“Anything else?” Chan asked. 

 

“If he isn't feeling well or food is too much for him, we can make sure we have some soup or some crackers as an alternative to whatever we have for dinner?” Woojin asked, testing the idea. 

 

Felix had to admit it didn't sound too bad. Soup and crackers were pretty light while also being enough to hold him over until next time he ate. 

 

“That's a good idea, but let's ask Lix.” Changbin said, a slight edge to his voice. 

 

Felix felt his cheeks turn tomato red as soon as everyone looked at him, and he felt Changbin's arms wrap a bit tighter around him, practically pulling the younger into his lap. 

 

Felix opened and closed his mouth a couple times, trying to get himself to speak. It was hard, but he knew he had to. 

 

“I… those are good ideas, I guess. I like them, I just…” he took a deep breath and focused on Bin's arms around him before continuing, “I don't want to feel like a burden to any of you guys, and before anyone says that I'm not, I know you don't actually think so. It's just what I feel like sometimes.” 

 

No one said anything for a while, the only sounds were breathing and Jeongin shifting awkwardly in his seat every few seconds. Felix noticed Hyunjin glancing at the boy every now and again, and he knew that something was up. He looked back and forth between the two before he realized. 

 

And then he felt stupid for not noticing sooner. 

 

It was anywhere between 70 and 80 degrees and Jeongin was wearing long sleeves. 

 

“Does anyone else have something to say before we move on?” Chan asked. 

 

“Should we start weighing him again? And keep track?” Jisung asked, and Felix almost threw up when Chan started thinking about it. 

 

“Good idea, but only if we notice he hasn't been eating as much.” Chan turned to Felix. “Is that okay?” 

 

Felix nodded, feeling as though he didn't really have a choice. He felt trapped. 

 

Everything was quiet for a moment before Chan spoke up again. 

 

“Moving on, anyone want to go next?” Felix raised his hand with a determined look in his eye. “Felix?”

 

“It's 75 degrees in here at minimum and everyone else is wearing a t-shirt and shorts. Why is Jeongin wearing a long sleeve?” 

 

Jeongin's eyes widened in panic as Chan turned to him. 

 

“Innie, can you roll up your sleeves?” Chan asked, and it broke his heart to see the maknae shed tears as he shook his head. 

 

“T-There's nothing.” 

 

“Then you won't mind rolling your sleeves up.” Woojin said, and Jeongin still shook his head. 

 

Minho, who was next to Jeongin, wrapped an arm around his waist securely in a hug, and Jisung reached over and gently pushed the maknae's sleeves up. 

 

The maknae gave no resistance, and only let out a sob when Jisung let out a gasp when he saw. 

 

Jeongin's arms had at least twenty cuts on each of them, and how he managed to hide them from the members was baffling. 

 

And the members felt terrible for not noticing sooner that their baby was hurting. 

 

“Jeonginnie, why didn't you tell us?” Chan's voice held no judgement, only concern and curiosity. 

 

“Didn't want to bother anyone. I noticed Lix hyung was getting bad again so I tried to keep any attention away from myself so hopefully someone would help Lixie hyung.”

 

Felix shrunk in on himself as he felt more eyes on him than before, and looked away from Jeongin. He glanced at Chan for a moment and saw a look on the leader’s face that said he was deep in thought. 

 

He couldn’t handle the fact that he had been caught, but he more so couldn’t handle the fact that his maknae had neglected his own health in hopes that Felix would be the one to get help first. 

 

“Here’s what we’re gonna do.” Chan said, his voice serious. 

 

“Hyung, I’m-”

 

“Innie baby, I’m not mad,” the leader said, his eyes a bit softer as he looked at his maknae, “I’m just worried that the last plan we had didn’t go so well, and now we need to figure something else out.”

 

Jeongin looked down, fresh tears about to spill. Minho brought the boy closer to him and stroked his hair with one hand, his other arm still wrapped around the boy’s waist as Chan thought for a few more moments. 

 

“I think what’s best is doing daily checks of your arms and legs. If we notice new cuts anywhere, we have a meeting to talk about it. The meeting would be for you to tell us why it happened, what you felt, and if you know what triggered you to cut.” Chan said, making it very obvious that Jeongin didn’t necessarily have any options or decisions to make of his own. 

 

But still, the maknae tried anyways. 

 

“And if I say no?” 

 

“Then we go to management and get you a therapist.” 

 

There was silence around the room, both shocked silence and just silence of understanding. Chan meant business, which told Jeongin that this was serious and to not argue the point further. 

 

Felix’s silence, however, was fear. 

 

Fear of being on his last chance of freedom with just his hyungs helping him. 

 

He didn’t want to seem selfish, but he would rather have his hyungs help than someone who didn’t know him. 

 

And just as Felix feared, Chan turned back to Felix. 

 

“I’ll do the same thing for you, Felix, if this happens again.” He said. Felix could hear an apologetic tone in his voice, which meant that Chan probably hated it about as much as Felix did. 

 

Changbin’s arms wrapped tighter around Felix as another silence fell over the room, this time it was just everyone processing what was happening. It was everyone, including Chan himself, taking in just how serious things were getting. 

 

Felix didn’t know how well he would do with recovering, and he knew that he would fall back again, but he was terrified of going to a therapist. He definitely wanted to get better, but he could already hear the voices gathering excuses and insults. 

 

He would just have to try harder. 

 

“Does anyone else have something?” Chan asked, looking around. When he saw either no hands or heads shaking side to side, he offered a small smile. “Let’s try our best, be good to ourselves, and look after each other. Never be afraid to speak up and ask for help, it’s nine or none.”

 

It was what Chan said at the end of each meeting. It both indicated the end, and also reminded everyone that they were a team, they relied on each other, and that everyone cared. 

 

“Fighting.” Everyone harmonized in reply, like every meeting. 

 

That night, Felix fell asleep cuddling with Changbin, and he could see Jeongin cuddling with Hyunjin from across the room. 

 

He felt happier, somehow, being cuddled against the rapper. He had a physical reminder of why he’s still here, a physical reminder that someone cared about him. 

 

And when he looked at Innie, he was reminded of a reason to get better. If he got better, he could help Jeongin get better. 

 

Felix felt himself falling into the darkness of sleep, and right before it completely took over, he felt a kiss on his forehead. 

 

He fell asleep with a smile on his face. 

**Author's Note:**

> I super hope you liked this story!!!! I enjoyed writing it, I really did, and I'm sorry for being so terrible about updating and posting. 
> 
> I just got put on some new depression meds and I've had like zero energy or motivation to do much of anything expect work, take care of my cat and guinea pig, and sleep (when my cat doesn't wake me up in the middle of the night grrrrrr)


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